Mortality For Your Thoughts
by cherry619
Summary: Sam never really gave it thought but being a spirit sucks. Tag to AHBL 1 & 2


**Authors Note: **This is a tag in sorts to AHBL 1 & 2. A friend of mine gave me this idea about what did Sam feel when he died? Where did he go? And I came up with this. Not to overtly sad but is sorta sad lol if you get that. It drops you off right after the hug Sam and Dean have. Hope you like it. Thanx Charity.

* * *

Sam found all of this kinda clichéd really.

His Dad was always telling him that his bleeding heart would be the end of him. Sam at his young age just didn't care or listen. Now though with sudden painful clarity Sam's loathed to admit, Dad was right. Always was maybe always has been.

Maybe Dad was right about a lot of things. His obsession with hunting, his frantic need to make them learn everything about it, Sam's destiny. Maybe it was all true and Sam was just setting himself up for a harsh letdown.

But Sam was ok. He saw Dean maybe for his one last time and he would die happy.

Sam just never realized that his end would be to _literally _get back-stabbed with who he thought was an ally. The demon had gotten to Jake too. Manipulated his mind and forced him to kill like all the other children. Sam's pretty sure he was going to be next. He can't fight fate forever.

He _was _going to be next if Jake didn't shove a knife in his back.

Surprisingly it didn't hurt that bad. Of course he felt as the blade entered and probably cut his spinal cord but after that nothing. He was floating on cloud nine. His head was fuzzy and his limbs were becoming lethargic. Past the buzzing in his head he could hear Dean in the distance.

"_Whoa, whoa, Sam. Sam! Hey! Come here. Let me look at you."_

Sam desperately wanted to talk to Dean, say his last goodbyes and at least try to console him. But it was just a chore to breathe, think, _live _let alone attempt that task.

Sam could briefly feel Dean's hand on his wound no doubt trying to access the damage while trying to console Sam at the same time. The gesture made him want to cry but his broken body couldn't manage even that feat.

"_Hey, look at me. It's not even that bad. It's not that bad, all right?"_

Sam wanted to scoff and say that those tricks only worked on a 4 year old with scrapped knees but all Sam felt was fondness, warmth, love.

No doubt his body was starting to shut down. Dean was getting harder and harder to see and hear. Breathing was becoming more problematic and his limbs weren't responding to any of his commands. Dean's hand then resettled themselves onto the sides of his face offering up as much comfort as possible while keeping Sam steady.

"_Sammy? Sam! Hey, listen to me." _

Sam wasn't even aware he blanked out. A force from beyond was tugging at Sam, trying to force him to leave but Sam wanted to give Dean his last moments. So he can hopefully draw some closure and Sam could finally be at peace. Be confident in himself and die a noble death. Die as pure as he ever could and maybe just maybe be at heaven.

"_We're gonna patch you up, ok? You're gonna be as good as new. I'm gonna take care you. I'm gonna take care of you. I've got you. That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain in the ass little brother?" _

Sam felt his mind blank. A cold shiver slithered down his spine. His brain stopped functioning and all that he could think was _I love you. _His eyes slipped shut as his heart gave it's final beat.

"_Sam? Sam! Sammy!" _

Then Sam Winchester knew no more.

* * *

It was surreal to Sam. Watching Dean cradle his dead body in the mud, watching Bobby trying to drag Dean away or at least help.

It was all very surreal and not really like he suspected.

After he finally gave in to the force that was beckoning him under for the last time he didn't expect to be turned into a spirit. Sam felt no rage, or violent tendencies. He just felt _calm. _He never realized just how hard it would be to watch the scene ahead.

He could clearly hear Dean sobbing. _Crying. _Cradling Sam's limp body to his chest not even letting Bobby get near him. Even when Sam was dead Dean still felt the need to protect him.

He couldn't make out what Bobby was saying because he was talking so softly but whatever he said got Dean to stop crying.

Dean had a blank look on his face as he hefted Sam's pliant body up and carried him the rest of the way to the car.

Sam watched from the sidelines but was stuck in the perimeter of the area.

_Oh God. _Sam thought. He was bound to where he died.

He was stuck here forever and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.

* * *

Dean knew what he was doing. He never felt so strongly for any other decision before.

It was either live life without Sam or spend a year with a healthy, breathing, _alive _Sam.

Yeah no competition there.

The demon stared at him. Her eyes drilling holes in his head. It made Dean's skin crawl, made his stomach roll, it made him feel guilty. But nothing could compete with the utter loss he felt now. Not even his Dad. Dean was motivated and he was ready.

"_What do you say?"_

Dean answers by grabbing her and pulling her into a lifeless kiss.

* * *

Sam never really gave it thought but being a spirit sucks.

Not to mention it's highly boring especially when you die in a friggin' ghost town.

Sam is the only person who would die in a place no one frequents. Rolling his eyes he strolled through the town with hope that there was maybe more spirits and somehow he could be like Casper and guide them out of here or some crazy idea like that. Hey if he's going to be a spirit he's going to at least be a good one.

That's when he heard it.

It was like a muted growl. Almost like a bears but Sam knew better.

He wasn't sure if being a spirit meant he could sense other supernatural things but his '_evil thing approaching' _radar was going off the charts.

Stilling his steps he walked slowly giving the impression he was clueless to the things approach.

Right when he felt the hairs (did he even have hairs on the back of his neck anymore?) on the bank of his neck rise he turned around.

There to meet him was a little girl. She was wearing a dress that looked to be dated in the early 1900's and was holding a ratty teddy bear to her chest.

"Uh…hi my names Sam what's yours?"

"Elizabeth."

"Hi Elizabeth how'd you get here?" Sam questioned but wanted to kick himself for something so stupid. It was like he was the spirit version of Oprah.

Then the sweet innocent girl smirked. Her brown eyes rolled back in her head revealing black.

That's when Sam lost it and blanked out.

* * *

Sam doesn't remember anything or what the hell was going on but after Dean finished hugging him ( or more like suffocating him) Sam was going to get some answers. Answers he fears he won't like.

* * *

**What did you think? It was my first episode tag? Leave some feedback. Thanx Charity**


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